I don't care that you eat meat 10:54

Really.

I mean, it's kind of a turn-off, I guess. But still, everyone I've dated has eaten meat. I just wouldn't let them french me while they were chewing a hamburger or something. It's their choice to eat it. Just like not eating it is my choice. So fuck off.

I know there are so many stereotypical vegetarians and vegans that jump at the chance to lecture you on your immoral ways. They ruin it for the rest of us non-pretentious ones who feel that you are a grown-up and can make your own decisions. I mean, really, is there any stable-minded person over the age of 10 who doesn't realize that there is slaughter involved in the meat they're eating? Maybe not the full extent of the brutality that can be involved, but even so, I've heard so many people go "well, now I never want a hamburger ever again" once they see some PETA propaganda, but that lasts at most a week before they're back at McDonald's. I prefer the people who proudly say "I LOVE EATING DEAD COW!!". At least they're not living in voluntary ignorance. If you're okay with what's involved, then go right ahead. I definitely don't agree with your decision, but I am not going to lecture you. If you say something blatantly false, like "The animals love being killed! It tickles!", then I might be so bold as to say "Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's not the case," but it's nothing I'm eager to pursue.

I've noticed recently that now the meat-eaters are the lecturers. Now it is the carnivores who, once I can no longer avoid saying I don't eat meat, go "You're vegetarian? Why? What are your reasons?" with an obvious excitement, hoping I say a keyword like "cruelty" or "health" so they can launch into their own pro-carnivory shpeel. Usually, regardless of what I say, they jump right in anyway. "WELL DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY FIELD MICE ARE KILLED IN THE HARVESTING OF SOY!??! DID YOU KNOW THAT EXPERIMENTS PROVE PLANTS HAVE FEELINGS TOO?? DON'T YOU KNOW HOW UNNATURAL IT IS NOT TO EAT MEAT?!?!??!?!?!?!?" Sigh. Please, wait for a vegetarian/vegan who will give you a stimulating debate, rather than one who wants to just punch you in the throat outright. "Oh man, this hot dog is soooo good ... man, I love how dead animal tastes. Too bad you're a vegetarian, this is delicious. Mmmm ... nom nom nom." Haha, I get it, you're being funny. Oh wait, I mean an asshole. Did I ever give you a reason to defend yourself? Did I ever make any comment whatsoever? Did I ever convey even an inkling of giving a shit?

No. I did not. I am definitely not "ashamed" of being vegetarian, but at the same time, I don't walk into a room and boast "I do not eat carcass! I challenge all you carnivorous assholes! FEEL GUILTY EATING MEAT IN MY PRESENCE!!" I don't usually even tell people unless they ask why I didn't order a burger, or if I want to come over for steak dinner.

(Which reminds me, thanks to all the people who generously, or even grudgingly, go "well, we can go to a different restaurant" or "maybe we can make pasta or something". Thanks, but that's not necessary. I'll have a salad, or pick around whatever meat there is, or maybe just have a meal of beer, because your company is probably more important than whatever we're eating. Seriously. Not trying to be the pitiful vegetarian in the crowd forced to eat only garnish, I just really don't care. Unless a good percentage of the group doesn't eat meat, then it would be nice if we don't go to Outback.)

So stop going out of your way to be a dick, please. I'm not asking you to feel guilty, just don't be a dick. I don't make a big deal out of it, why should you?

For the zero readers out there who are genuinely curious about my reasons, I will tell you. It started off about 10 years ago mostly with me just not liking the taste of meat anymore. I also preferred animals to, you know, not be murdered and stuff, but I've never been an activist or anything. As time has passed, my choice has been reinforced by the knowledge of all the shit they put in meat and the ways most animals are raised and slaughtered. And eating dead bodies is just not appealing to me. Recently I've been curious about remembering what certain meats taste like, and had bites here and there, but it's about as unappealing as I remember (except for that home-smoked salmon, that was pretty good). The end.

cat interactions with dreams 00:10

Last night I had a dream where I had to commit suicide, and so did my mom. I think maybe I had to kill her but she decided to do it herself to spare me from murdering my own mother, or something. It was pretty bleak. I said she could write a letter to Dad for him to read when he got back from work, letting him know what happened. I told her to be sure to mention it was my fault. My mom was turned away from me the entire dream, so I couldn't see her face, but I could feel the immense disappointment and sadness from her, with a faint mix of tragically unconditional love. The disappointment came across the strongest, and I felt very small, like a child again, and trapped behind a wall of cold glass.

I don't exactly remember the next thing, but my mind started wandering to cats, and I was in an animal shelter adopting a neon green cat wearing a monocle. Then I guess I went "Oh yeah, back to killing myself" and I plunged back into the previous heavy atmosphere. I cleaved my rib cage in two, but didn't start dying until I pulled the blade out. The absence of any pain was what scared me most, as I could see blood bursting from my chest Kill-Bill-style, spurting with each heartbeat. Other sensation and perception faded until all I could feel was my heart beat. I could really feel it, beyond the dream, and it terrified me more than any pain could have. I drifted into death, which was really wake-land.

Priya was sitting next to me, using her front paws to aggressively knead my chest right above my heart. Providing the special effects for my dream, I guess. "Really feel it" indeed.

It reminded me of a childhood dream I had involving the X-Files and Gillian Anderson in my basement and impostor David Duchovnys. At the end, I was in my hallway having a karate fight with the impostor David Duchovny ("You're not the real David Duchovny!" I said to him accusingly, which I apparently actually said out loud in reality too), but after the first couple strikes, it quickly devolved into a girlish-style slapfight. I woke having a slapfight with my cat BJ, who was understandably pissed that I was striking him. (And probably pissed that I named him "BJ". I would be too.)

Another cat-dream interaction, of a different kind: Nothing wakes me up faster than the sound of a cat beginning to hurl (*hrk-hrk-hrk-hrk-hrk*). I am literally up and moving the cat onto a non-carpeted surface before I've even woken up, or finished processing that I even heard the sound. I will thank my cat Claude for that, who spent his last elderly years pretty much exclusively in my bedroom and had a lot of hairball problems. It would've been nice if he had timed his vomiting to when I needed to wake in the morning. I miss you, Claude, even though you peed on my Playstation 2 and I'm convinced that's why the AV output plug is so touchy.

"Fuck The Drug War": An example of the guys I attract. 23:13

I've met a lot of unique people since I moved to Seattle. Mostly creepy people, or people who start off kind of endearing and then are creepy later. Last month at a bar I met someone named Fuck. (Middle name: "The Drug", last: "War". Considering changing to "Fuck Religion".) He had some interesting facial tattoos, one of them being a naked man above his eyebrow with some sort of profound quote next to it about facing the wind or something. "Ladies are usually pissed when they meet me because they realize they've been screaming my name during sex for years!" That scared away most of the group surrounding me. I ended up talking to him because, well, most others had left, and the one friend I was with was deep in a group of people I couldn't weasel myself into. I thought he actually knew people there, but it turns out he just knew one guy who he met on YouTube, and that guy had left.

Once he saw that I didn't really give a shit about his shock tactics, he proceeded to hit on me aggressively and almost bought me a drink except that it coincided with me getting the fuck away from him. Just before I had decided to bail and after he made his offer, I asked him bluntly "Well, how much are you willing to spend?" with a straight, unfriendly face, hoping it might either dissuade him or win me an expensive drink. "Well look at you!" He squealed, using the opportunity to caress me somehow. "Whatever you want!" I decided the drink wasn't worth it.

One of the conversation topics he introduced out of the blue: "Are you related to anyone who has died recently or has some sort of severe disability?" Another winning quote: "You're vegetarian? That's cool. I'm vegan, except that I eat meat and cheese and eggs and other animal products. But I still feel like I identify most with the vegan mentality." He also had communion wafers in his pocket that he had stolen somehow. Classy.

One of my favorite parts: He sucked down the last of his drink. "Ew, that tasted bad. I need to get the taste out of my mouth." He looked at me for a moment, then started to lunge forward. At the first sign of movement towards me, I blurted out "Eat a cupcake!!" (There were cupcakes there). He reached for one, then paused, looked back at me and seductively said "I don't want a cupcake." I got up and paid for my drinks.

I have learned that the best thing to do in these situations is just leave, because I attract the winners who don't understand what "no" means. Even after the 7th time. Even after "Look, I am NOT attracted to you that way, and never will be. There will be no chance with me, ever. EVER." Even if I proceed suck on the face of another guy right in front of him. There will still be unwanted touching and attempted kissing, as if I'll suddenly change my mind. Maybe, despite my deliberate statements and actions saying "no", which these days are beginning to border on insulting to them, I still somehow seem to convey a "tee hee, maybe" or an "It's opposite day!". I don't know.

(Not that I attract guys all the time, but the infrequent and few that pursue me are fucking psychosauruses.)

I'm considering violence next. I wish I hadn't lost my pepper spray.