Evil dreams and illness 23:58

My subconscious is mutinous. My dreams lately have been less boring, but I wake in a state of depression. I am teased with things, like stupid metaphoric puzzle pieces that complete me. Last night I had an elaborate dream filled with emotion and resolution, where raw parts were exposed after long being ignored and buried. I felt wanted, and valued, and things were on the mend, and I could feel clearly and brightly. Part of me, the part that always doubts when things are good, arose and pointed out how everything seemed awfully dream-ish, dashing the illusion. I was then teased with a false awakening, where elements of my prior dream lingered to further lead me on. "I thought it was all a dream!" I said happily, with immense relief. "Actually, wait...Shit. This isn't real either." "Dammit," my subconscious explicitly responded at having been found out.

I then woke up too early and with a sickness clutching my throat and brain. My body ached as if I'd been thrown down a hill. My hope was nowhere to be found. Finally, sleep, my only sanctuary, had turned against me. Needless to say, I was not excited to go back to sleep. I did, somehow, keeping my eyes on my penguin-filled television screen for as long as possible, which seemed to have eased my wicked subconscious into its own rest. I'll try the same technique tonight, except instead with a book about Ebola.

Retouching on hypochondria here: Reading this book about Ebola (and Marburg, and AIDS, and the plague, etc) is really great considering I am sick. So many chapters begin with describing someone's initial vague, flu-like symptoms that happen to be what I am experiencing. Of course, I know I'll be fine, but I'm getting no comfort from these pages.

Speaking of the flu, what the fuck? I'm pretty sure I just got inoculated against this shit a couple weeks ago. So either it backfired, or I have a different kind of flu, maybe -- OH SHIT -- Swine Flu!!! That could mean that I will ......... experience the same thing as a normal flu, because Swine Flu isn't a big ding dong deal. When will that crap blow over? Anyway. Sleep.